Why I love Canada, by Mark Smith

In honour of Canada Day (July 1), I wanted to post some of the reasons that I love Canada. Canada has supplied us with some great inventions, i.e. the thermos, snowmobile, telephone, basketball, hockey, ginger ale, Trivial Pursuit and the zipper, but it is more than just brilliant people, I’m looking at you Trebek. Canada is what we would be like if there wasn’t so much testosterone running through our veins. Canada is the second largest country in the world and has never picked a fight with us, except for burning down our White House in 1812, but we’ve forgiven you for that and have written it out of our history books. Canada has given the U.S. some of the greatest talent imaginable:
Hotties like Kim Cattrall, Natasha Henstridge, Tricia Helfer, Shania Twain, Estella Warren, Neve Campbell, Evangeline Lilly, Pamela Anderson, Rachel McAdams, Elisha Cuthbert , Carrie-Anne Moss and Melanie Farmer.

Sports stars like Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Nash.
Comedians and actors like Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Jim Carrey, Tommy Chong, Eugene Levy, Howie Mandel, Colin Mochrie, Rick Moranis, Mike Meyers and Leslie Nielsen.
And true bad asses like Neil Young, Bernie Ebbers, Don Cherry , Bob and Doug McKenzie, and Jack Bauer.
How can we Americans not love a place that eats everything with gravy, drinks beer like mother’s milk, has two national sports that are basically fights with some sort of scoring system (Hockey and Lacrosse), has more donut shops per capita than anywhere else in the world, allows forward progress of its receivers before the ball is snapped and has a national symbol that is a Beaver? You read that right, a Beaver. I think it is high time we stop with our condescending talk about the queen-loving, mullet-wearing Eskimo neighbours to the north who want to be our 51st state. It is time they get the respect they deserve. I for one love Canada and everything Canadian, except for maybe your healthcare and French Canadians. So on July 1st enjoy a donut, a piece of back bacon, poutine , a nanaimo bar and an ice cold Molson and thank God that you are lucky enough to live in Canada or its cocky, Shatner-stealing, Mexico-touching neighbor to the South that has the pleasure of sharing the longest border in the world with this great land. Happy Canada Day!



Krista said...

Great blog, Mark! I didn't know you were such a great writer. Nice shout-out to Canadia, too.

p.s. Those fries with the gravy look like absolute poo.

Jared Smith said...

Here was my train of thought as I read.

Trebek... didn't he play Bobby Ewing?

Burned our White House... burn in Hades you red basta...

Hotties... I-15 north for 8 hours and I'm there. Except, none of them are wearing attire suitable for survival in the big white north. They must've migrated south.

Bob and Doug McKenzie... if I ran Canada instead of the queen, they'd be on my coinage and flag.

Jack Bauer... no way!

Beaver... Tee hee. Beaver.

Mullets... Mark my words - they'll be in style again someday, then who'll be laughing.

Yes, Happy Canada Day indeed. Hey Mel, could you please wish my Canadian friend Larry happy Canada Day... I'm sure you know him.

Melissa said...

You had me at Jack Bauer.

Please send Nanamo bar RECIPE, not just a picture to make me wish it was Christmas on Roosevelt Island.