So last night Mel and I set down for our nightly ritual of T.V. watching, but due to the writers strike we were forced to watch reality programming on FOX. I’m not sure if anyone else watched the “The Moment of Truth” last night, but it was awesome. The first contestant was an ex-XFL football player who confessed to: touching other women inappropriately, not thinking his wife was his life partner and checking out other guys junk in the locker room. I found the show pretty amusing, but I think this could cause major issues for couples who watch the show together. Leave it to Fox to find a show that could destroy people’s lives for the entertainment of the masses. I can’t wait til next season when their new show “Coliseum, Are You Stronger Than A Lion?” premiers. I could never be on a show like this because I am afraid the following questions might get asked:
-Have you ever eaten a whole bag of Cheetos so fast that you threw them up and been tempted to eat them again because they still looked undigested?
-Do you get totally pumped up by Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone"?
-Have you ever thrown a dead raccoon for sport?
-Do you mispronounce simple words like compromise?
-Does the smell of gunpowder arouse you?
-Do you find Ron Paul oddly attractive?
-Have you ever tucked your genitalia between your legs and ran around like an ugly woman?
-Have you ever worn a Devo hat while making love?
-Have you been tempted to push old people down, just because you can?
-Have you ever revealed way too much personal information on a blog?
Regardless, I have pondered some things this last week...maybe you guys can help me out with them, or tell me if you ponder them too.
- What do the lyrics to Mika's "Big Girls" song mean? And why are there only 4 or 5 lines repeated over and over and over and over again? It's a catchy beat and I find myself bopping along, but I am always thinking about where the butterfly lounge is and why I need to get myself there.
- Do radio stations really only have 6 sings they play on a repetitive loop day after day after day? I am convinced it is true, and those songs are: Mika "Big Girls", Rhianna's "Shut Up and Drive", Fergie's "Clumsy", One Republic/Timbaland's "Apologize", State of Shock's "Money Honey" and Finger Eleven's "I'll Keep Your Memory Vague". Well those are the ones I hear on the station I listen to at work. It makes me feel like groundhog day when I get there and I hear the same song first thing every morning!
- Why does the media make such a hoopla when a "Celeb" announces she is pregnant? Ok, I can see the muzz when it is Britney's 16 year old sister, but anyone else..? Yay, Nicole Kidman is pregnant! There were no cameras, flashing lights, paparazzi hounding me looking for that ever telling "baby bump". No one put me on ET. Perhaps the media only thinks famous people have babies and that it is a relatively new phenomenon...?
- Do people really care if Scott Baio is single, married, fertile...?
- Why does Vh1 think I want to watch Brett Michaels and a bunch of (insert your choice of unsuitable word here) women try to find "true love"? Did they forget it is Brett Michaels (ew), and that they are on Vh1??
- When will this writers strike end? Will I get to see the back 8 of season 4 of LOST? (By the way...season 4 premier is Thursday January 31st.)
- Will Idol suck this year as badly as it did last year? Will you be watching?
- Just exactly how many calories are in a Costco croissant?
- Who invented Sudoku and can they solve the fiendishly hard puzzles?
- Why is a remake of The A-Team being made? Not to mention a remake of Knight Rider ...do we need either of them? Why not bring back Jem and the Holograms!? That would be awesome.
- Is a Miley Cyrus concert ticket really worth mulitple thousands of dollars?
- How has celeb gossip overtaken world events/issues as what is headline worthy? Do I really care if Katherine Heigl is consulting with a landscaper for her front yard? Apparently Entertainment Tonight thinks so.
- Will the politics of politics ever cease?
- Who will win TAR next week? I sure hope it's TK and Rachel.
- What is going to go down on Season 4 of LOST? (This really occupies a lot of my daily brain activity)
OK, so that's a little bit of the issues I have been muddling with this week (numbers 1,2,3,5,6,14 and 15 taking up a little more time that some of the others). Of course sometimes my brain drifts on to more important subjects like how long it has been since I bought myself a new pair of fanTAStic shoes.
I'm really not such an airheaded girl, even if this post/blog makes me seem that way. I'll debate anyone on the topics of the day until one of us is blue in the face (unless it has to do with finance, then I will probably just curl up and take a nap while you ramble on). Maybe I should start an uber serious blog about "Mel's Issues" and go off on all I think it wrong in this world...but that would require a lot of effort, and thought and maybe even footnotes, and well who wants footnotes on a blog?? So until then, I will stick with my random, craptainment filled (featuring spurts of intelligence and insightfullness) blog that is this. Oh, and I will try to keep Mark's belly shots to a minimum, but sometimes he just can't be stopped.
And one last question ...why are my blogs always SO long?
Now, back to the stupid things people ask or say when they are around pregnant couples and my responses so we can avoid any awkwardness.
Had you been trying very long?
There is no easy answer to this; “Yes, Mel and I have been having unprotected bareback, jungle-monkey sex for the past three months” seems slightly out of line and “No, the damn thing broke” doesn’t give a good impression of being happy expectant parents. If you really want to know what our sex life is like then please visit our other blog: www.mindyourowndamnbusiness.blogspot.com
It’s going to be expensive.
Really? I had no idea. Trust me, I’ve done the math and babies are not an asset in your financial portfolio.
Are you excited?
No. Creating life and exerting all of your strength and energy to turn it into a normal functioning human being are things we typically do all the time. I really haven’t even thought about it that much.
Do you think it will be a boy or girl?
Flip a coin and I will give you a completely arbitrary answer, but if it is hermaphroditic we will probably cut something off and call Jamie Lee Curtis.
Are you scared?
Are you ready?
No, we are not ready. It is highly likely that we will mess this up just as badly as your parents did. Now, bugger off. This seems like a strange question for someone to ask me if they know me at all. Just read any of my blog entries and you will realize that there is no way that I should be given any living creature to look after. Seven years ago I was living in Ogden, UT shooting my couch with a .357 before driving to Wendover to spend the weekend gambling. Yeah, I think I’m ready.
Are you going to find out the sex?
Of course we are. If you knew you had a large tumor growing in your body would you want to find out if it was malignant or benign? Or do you want to wait and be surprised? Advances in medicine are meant to be used, but you were probably too weak from your last bloodletting to read that memo.
Touching the belly.
Do not touch Melanie’s belly. I just want to warn those who didn’t read her previous post. This is a huge pet peeve of hers and she will probably break your hand if you try. This seems like the most inappropriate thing that a stranger could do; if you violate her personal space it is highly likely that she will violate your rectum with her foot.
In keeping with the pregnancy topic of this blog I thought it might be fun to post pictures of our growing pregnancy belly. This is me at 17 weeks.