Life Bulleted

• Las Vegas is not for a pregnant lady with gestational diabetes
• Life will go smoothly until you return home; then child reverts to poor sleeping habits and crankiness
• Mini eggs are even more tempting after Easter, when they are on sale and a diabetic no-no; so are creme eggs
• Apparently corona (or any other alcohol) is an acceptable form of breakfast in Las Vegas
• Preparing for the vacation always takes longer than adjusting back to regular life
• Even though it feels like your belly can not get any bigger... it always finds a way to surprise you, making you feel even more hippo-tastic
• Three days of 80 degree weather have quenched any desire for a warm summer. Please keep it to the 70's and everyone around me will be better off
• Outlet shopping is never as fun when you are pregnant
• May 23 can't come soon enough, yet at the same time I don't want it to ever come
• Hiring a personal grocery shopper might not be a bad idea
• Chocolate cheerios and fresh raspberries are awesome for breakfast or any time of day
• GD I rue the fact that I must live with you and not enjoy chocolate milk, ice cream, key lime pie and all other forms of sugary goodness (chocolate cheerios and raspberries included)

Toe Tapping

When does the reality of pregnancy really set in? After the positive test result? After an ultrasound? Morning sickness? Holding a baby in your arms?

For me...it's saying good bye to my toes. I'll miss all ten of you little guys. Take care, soon you'll be on your own for a little while. Hopefully it won't be too long until we are reunited, but until then, don't count on looking pretty or being well looked after. I'm sorry if you feel smothered come summer since you probably won't be playing peek-a-boo with the outside world. I promise to wear the cutest non peep toe shoes I can find. Maybe if we're lucky we can get a certain someone to pretty you up one day, but I'm not sure you'll let any one touch you long enough for a makeover. We don't want to chance giving someone a concussion for touching you, but it is highly likely that will happen, so please don't be mad at me for neglecting you. We'll glam it up in a few months, I promise.

Falling Off the Wagon...And I Can't Get Up

So last year I decided to begin my get healthier kick about this time of year...well I think it was a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Crazy time to start, right? I don't know what it is about this time of year, but here it is almost November and I am starting to think about it again. I've done pretty well this year. Like anything else in my life, I kind of go through cycles. I do really well at it for weeks at a time, and then not so well for weeks at a time. Usually the not-so-hot periods last longer than the stick-to-it periods. I've decided to torture myself again, but with a bit of a Halloween reprieve. I don't usually go all crazy and rule out all sweets, sugar, junk etc., but I do try to limit them and amp up the exercise. Which for me means more about setting aside time to exercise, not just running around after T (which can take up most of the day some times!), and not so much limiting the junk. However if I know it's Thanksgiving and there will be pies and treats, then I'll make sure the day before I eat well and so on and so forth. Now we're not going for marathon results here or Biggest Loser poundage (although I really think if they'd let me on the show and stay for a week, maybe 2, I could reach my goal and they could kick me off), but small steps...sometimes they're the hardest!

The hardest thing might be getting Mark to jump on board with me. This coming month is pretty busy work wise for him, and he's going to be travelling almost 2 weeks out of the month and that's no good for trying to eat healthy, or exercising, right? We'll see. If I only give him broccoli and steamed chicken to eat at home, maybe we can offset the trips to Carl's Jr., Denny's and the sort, while he travels.

Anyway, I've never been very good at dieting, I don't have a strong willpower about it and when it comes right down to it, I'm pretty lazy, but we'll give it a shot. I think the most weight I've ever lost was during my third trimester, go figure!

I guess this means I need to cram all the junk down my gullet this weekend before I hit the grocery store for all things defined healthy. Any one have any great snack ideas for me? Ones that let you have a good quantity as well as taste? More so, ones that actually fill you up?

We'll see how this goes, exercising might be the trickiest thing to work in to the schedule when you have a husband who travels, works late and a 17 month old (and a gym membership to a place without childcare). Maybe I can force myself back on the treadmill downstairs and work off season two of Lost. I made it through season 1 last time I was on a positive roll...I just have to get back on the wagon. Keep your fingers crossed.

Long Lost Jeans

As I dug through my tubs of seasonal clothing to find clothes to take to a clothing swap, I discovered two pairs of jeans I have been holding on to for....well, let's just say many, many years. I have hung on to these jeans because when I bought them, it was one of "those" moments. Girls, you know the one...when you try on a pair of jeans and the heavens open up and the angels sing. Perfection; As if they were made for you and you alone. So perfect that you'd buy every pair in stock at that moment, if you could. Well, since it has been many, many years since I bought them, it's been many, many years since they have fit. They are the only articles of clothing I have held on to that don't fit me (excluding the dress my mom made me when I was 5). I have held on to them because I told myself I would fit into them again. Today I decided to test the waters and find out how very far away I am to that goal. I hesitated just slightly as I pulled on the first pair, careful not to get too excited by the fact that I could fit my leg into them (I've always been able to pull them on, just not do them up!)...but I found, much to my surprise, that I could do them up!!!!! I quickly squashed my excitement when I realized that if I sat down in them there might be a problem, but I could do them up!!! Woohoo!! One down, one to go. I began the process again with pair #2, and ever to my surprise, I could do them up as well!! Sadly, they are not ready for wearing in public, or in the house, so as not to cut any organ in two, but perhaps sooner than later I can wear them somewhere other than my basement.

Now the only questions left to be answered are; 1) are they still perfect (look awesome) and 2) are they still in style??? Bell bottoms are still cool, right?

Third Times a Charm

Week 3

Got to the gym three times! Woohoo! Only because the folks were down and I could go first thing in the morning. It was nice starting the day that way, but now we're back to evenings and forcing myself that it's worth it.

Food wise was okay. I only had fries once, and I didn't even have cake/cupcakes on T's birthday celebration (don't worry, I made up for it yesterday)!

So I am still plugging away. Intending on getting to the gym 3 times this week. I made it there yesterday - 2 cupcakes means I have to go - and hoping to get there tonight. Luckily the cupcakes are gone, now I just have to get rid of the leftover lime flavoured icing in the fridge.

Not sure if I can get 5 off by next week, that would require a lot of work...if I could manage 3 before we leave for Idaho I would be happy. If I can keep it off or even lose a few while there I would be even happier!! Think I can do that Eva? Your house has no treats in it right?? Maybe I should bring my runners and gym clothes to pretend I have plans to exercise while there.

Anyway...we did hit a great burger place this past weekend. If you're ever in St Paul, check out The Nook. Great burgers, even better fries, and CHEAP. Luckily I had a salad for lunch that day!

Only like 13 more weekly updates for you to put up with - it seems just the thought of someone reading this and holding me to it sort of keeps me on track, so bear with me! It will be over soon enough. What should I reward myself when all is said and done and I've reached my goal? I'm thinking a cheesecake, brownie, fudge sauce creation from Coldstone. Oh and some new clothes!

It's Been One Week

I never used to like the Bare Naked Ladies...but I sure do now.

Anyway that has nothing to do with anything other than the post title.

So, it has been one week of my challenge. Let's recap (for my sake).

• gym - twice (I know, I won't win a body building challenge or even an arm wrestling contest, but twice a week is my goal - an attainable goal with an 11 month old and a husband who seems to work more now than he did when we lived in NYC)
• dessert - just once, but it was one of those mini, personal ones from Famous Dave's, but I didn't eat the bun that came with my brisket sandwich and I sent most of my fries back
• one nice long fast paced walk with the kid
• no mid day cookie baking, did make some pudding, but it's the low fat low sugar jello pudding, so it doesn't count right? :o)

No huge accomplishments but it's put me in a more motivated mood for the week. So much in fact that I am contemplating getting dressed before 10 and taking the wee one for our walk this morning. AND I also told the husband to be home so I can go to the gym. We'll see if that happens though.
I did notice that it's not just the drive home from the gym....it's every where I go - to church, to the grocery store, to Target....McDonalds, DQ, Coldstone, Chipotle...it's like they're multiplying overnight when I am not looking. Trips to Target become more difficult as I walk by their food court and smell those fantastic Pizza hut bread sticks...oh how I love them, but I resist!
Anyway, there's my report...feel free to ignore it, it's not anything to gloat about but I am hoping telling the world (or the few folks who read this) will help me to stay the course and not give in when I go to Costco and buy that XXL bag of peanut M&M's and eat them for dinner. But what a fantastic dinner that would be.....
I've also been debating getting the new Wii Active - anyone tried it or know anyone who has...any thoughts on it? Worth the money? Waste of money??

Oh, and just as a side note, I've totally been kicking Mark's trash in Scrabble lately. I think we've played 10 or 12 games and I think he's won 2 or 3. So we're both thinking we're pretty good players, but maybe we're just good against each other. Anyone else play? If so, what's your typical score...we need something to gauge ourselves against.

I'm a Loser Baby...

So, is it true that if you put something in writing for the whole world to see, you have to follow through with that thing?

Let's see if it is true.

Starting tomorrow it's good eating habits and regular exercise. None of this mainly good eating habits and sporadic (of late) exercise.

I'd love to drop 10 pounds by mid-July, and another 10 by September. Is 20 pounds in 4 months doable? I mean I'm not on the Biggest Loser campus or anything, but I think it can be done without depriving myself of an occasional ice cream or extra serving of pasta (it is whole wheat noodles!)...I guess time will tell.

I'm also trying to rope Mark into this, we will see if he fights or comes along for the ride.

Luckily I think all of the treats are out of the house (except for a handful of chocolate chips which may meet their demise tonight). Now if I can just stay away from the chips and goodies at the BBQ tomorrow....I think I can I think I can I think I can.

Getting to the gym will be the hardest with mark's work schedule and no child drop off at my gym, but we'll make it work.

Here's to letting the world in on my plans, perhaps wioth a few prods and inquiries every week or so, it will make me stick with it and actually get it done. You'd think just the hint of shopping for a new wardrobe would have given me all the motivation in the world, wouldn't you??

So here's to Me (and Mark)!!

Modern Journalism

Is this really the most newsworthy item happening in the world right now?

Apparently, since every news outlet, whether it be ET, Inside Edition, Anderson Cooper, MSNBC, The Soup, Regis and Kelly, The View etc., etc., etc., made it their top story last week. I guess the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are over. Every African country is at peace with itself. World hunger has been cured, global warming is over and the U.S. economy is nearing heights it hasn't seen in 54 decades.

I love how entertainment "news" shows now seem to be on par with "hard hitting" news shows.

Celebrities have overtaken top news stories and we all have the 24 hour news crawl announcing Brad and Jen's divorce to thank for the mainstreaming of all things celebri-news. Personally, I'm just glad that I can find out what Britney's favourite gas station snack is since 8364 paparazzi's are there capturing it on film to sell to the highest bidder.

That's my pet peeve for today! Thanks for reading.

Mutterings

I wish I had more exciting rants to share, but staying indoors/near home every day kind of limits the amount of crazy I was exposed to with my daily bus rides and many hours spent at Target. No more crazy backing in stories, or weird-o bus riders to silently curse on my way home. One thing I did learn from being a bus rider is that I have an uncanny talent for knowing whether or not I like someone just from watching them in line or on the bus. It's quite amazing how much you can dislike someone that you have never talked to just because they chomp their gum in your ear for the entire 40 minutes bus ride.
What I have learned since being home is that there are some crazy disgusting people in the world. I have discovered a couple of shows on BBC America. The first is How Clean is Your House. I should start off by saying that I am not a clean freak, or remotely close to the world's best house cleaner, but I do clean my toilet when it needs it (ring around the bowl), and when we run out of forks, I'll do the dishes. However, this show makes me feel like the world's tidiest person EVER. I can understand not vacuuming for a couple of weeks, or even dusting (who likes to dust anyway?), but the people/families they have on this show have not cleaned their homes in over a decade or more. Now when my house is dirty, it's because the junk mail has piled up on the counter, or the pile of clothes I have tried on is on the floor...but for these folk when their house is dirty they have food on the floor, garbage spread throughout, toilets with poo caked on, dead animals (mice, rats, bugs) and piles upon piles of stuff everywhere - it has to be stepped on to walk through a room! The two hosts of the show go in and basically teach every day cleaning skills and also take samples of the grime and dirt to inform the homeowners just how dangerous it is to live in their house. Usually the lab finds e coli, salmonella, listeria and lots and lots of fecal matter (usually from the kitchen...how it gets there I don't know, and I don't want to know). So the hosts and their team of amazing people come in, clean the house and hope to high heaven they don't contract some awful illness. It always amazes me how they find people for this show, but apparently there are plenty of dirty people out there.
The second show is You Are What You Eat. This revolves around those with bad eating habits... not just the occasional ice cream cone or chocolate bar, but people who never eat a fruit or vegetable in a week (yes, I know, Mark would fall into this category if I didn't force him to cook veggies with dinner or take a banana for lunch). The host of this show will have someone keep track of what has been eaten in a week by the "star" of the show, and then they lay it out on a table for all to see. I always think it is so disgusting, and SO much food... but then I try to think about what I eat in a week and wonder what it would look like. I feel better because I know I eat fruit and veggies every day and I don't eat fast food 3 meals a day, so I think I would do alright. The best part of the show is that the host requires the star to give her a poo sample and she then analyzes it. The part I think is hilarious about this is that they blur out the poo!! Go ahead and show sex and violence on TV, but heaven forbid we see a chunk of poo. Anyway, the host puts the person on a very restrictive and colourful (fruits and veggies) diet for 8 weeks and requires them to do some sort of exercise and then at the end of the 8 weeks they tell how much weight they have lost and how much better they feel. It's always interesting to see the changes that can occur in just 8 weeks... kind of makes you think a little more about the food you eat, or at least how much and how often you eat it.
The one other random pet peeve I had this last week was why don't cities put sidewalks in everywhere. It seems so arbitrary. One block has a sidewalk and then it ends... and then 2 blocks later, it starts again. On one of our walks last week, I took a few wrong turns and realized how much easier it is to walk with a stroller on a sidewalk. Is it only newer subdivisions or streets that get sidewalks? Our street doesn't have a sidewalk, and the main street off of ours has a sidewalk for part of the street...but not all of the street? Did they run out of money? I think if I won a pile of money I would put sidewalks in everywhere.
I realize I am not up to par on my random rants (in my book anyway), hopefully I will get back into the swing of things soon... I was just tired of being reminded of Mark's hatred for pretty much everything. Maybe next time he can open up and not be so shy with how he really feels.

Large is in the Eye of the Beholder

So when I hear the phrase "Large Marge"...this is what I usually think of:

or

but lately the image that gets conjured up is this:

There. Thats for you Mark - there is a pregnant picture of me on the blog. It will probably be the last one too since I hate pictures.

And hopefully everyone knows who Large Marge is and where she comes from!!

Fatty Fat Fat

Most of our readers are aware that Melanie and I are expecting our first child in June, a little girl. As I’ve watched Melanie’s body change with the pregnancy I’ve had a chance to contemplate my life and the things that are important. I recently posted my thoughts on pregnancy pet peeves and included a picture of my own growing table muscle. This picture and a period of introspection have made me realize that I am turning into a fat, disgusting pig of a man. If you need proof of this then just click on the above link and scroll to the bottom of the post, I dare you. Exactly a year ago I embarked on a journey to change my health and I was very successful, losing 39 pounds in nine weeks. Unfortunately the graphical representation of my weight in 2007 is a parabola (for those that graduated from Idaho public schools, like me, that’s a shape like a U). It was just after the holidays that I realized that I had really let myself go when I cut my finger and gravy came out. I made up excuses for my laziness, such as “a beautiful tool deserves a nice tool shed” and “I need some winter insulation in Minnesota”, but I’m afraid it is just laziness.

Late last summer my hobbies changed from taking a five mile run to mainlining bacon grease, struggling to breathe and crashing office birthday parties saying things like “I wun summa dat cake”. I have seriously thought about getting a bench to go in the shower because that much work makes me light-headed. Over the last year I have shown extreme dedication to both sides of the health coin, losing weight and getting healthy in a short amount of time and absolutely letting yourself go. If you are looking for advice on how to get back in shape, then please consult Bob and Jillian, if you are looking for the perfect recipe to become, as Mel calls me, a fatty fat fat then keep reading. There are a few things that you are going to need in this endeavor: a blind or forgiving spouse, an internet connection, stretchy pants and a fondness for loose stools.

Here are three simple steps to a life of celibacy and bed sores:

Step one: You must change the way you look at food. There are now only three food groups, carbs, pork and mystery creams. The carb group is very important, one of my favorite recipes is to get a loaf of white bread, peel the crust off each piece and discard it, squish all of the remaining middle pieces together into one fantastic bread ball and enjoy. Refined flour is one of nature’s miracles, natural and good for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with foods in the carb group, as the Simpsons say,”Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop Tarts”. The pork group entails anything that comes from a pig, would be eaten by a pig and sounds like it maybe has something to do with pigs. My two staples from this group are bacon and pork rinds. Bacon is like salt, it goes on every meal. Anything that is not served with bacon should at least be cooked in its grease. The last food group contains anything with a mystery cream in it such as Twinkies, most Little Debbie snacks and my personal favorite Zingers. Zingers are twinkies with frosting for overachievers. Zingers are to snack foods what Britney Spears is to child stars. Many fatties are know to skip the actual food surrounding the cream and go right to eating frosting out of the can.

Step two: Laziness. There are countless ways to encourage sloth in your life; buy a bigscreen, blog, play World of Warcraft, become a Democrat, learn to totally pown n00bs, use your speakerphone, really try to improve your Second Life, manage a fantasy baseball team, subscribe to O magazine, develop your Ghost Whisperer skills, coach Notre Dame football, etc.

Step three: Come to grips with reality. This is a long hard process that will take the most intense mental effort you have ever exerted. You will be tempted at times to rejoin society by actually being active, putting clothes on over your underwear and wiping after defecating, but do not fall into this trap. These are the best days of your life. You should emphasise your new look by wearing a t-shirt while swimming, tucking the bottom half of your stomach into your too tight pants, thus showing off your FUPA, and if you are female, by going braless. Contrary to popular belief, stretch marks aren’t just for pregnant ladies. There are countless advantages that you have over your peers now, extra time to watch soap operas, the freedom to get all the cats you want, no fear of contracting STD’s and you don’t have to save for retirement because you will be dead long before that.